Friday, 19 June 2009

Never say never...

It has always been common knowledge amongst my friends that I have a powerful aversion to watersports. Piss to the innocents out there. The very idea of playing with "waste products", as I would romantically term it, filled me with both dread and disgust. I didn't judge, each to their own, but it would be a cold day in hell before I touched the stuff.
Even as I write, I am transported back several years, when I was around the age of 23. I was attending a fetish party with Axel. When we arrived, I strolled into the kitchen, only to find that they had erected a children's paddling pool. This could only mean one thing. At some point in the night, pissing would ensue. Clearly, the kitchen is not an ideal place, but it did have a wipe-clean floor. I attempted to forget all about it, and made my way into another room.
I was having a fabulous time, but then, I heard the commotion from downstairs. Rather like a person passing a terrible car-crash, who doesn't want to look, knows they shouldn't look, will be horrified if they look, I went and looked. There was my friend in the paddling pool, his pigtails still in his hair, and a mistress friend of mine towering over him. She had a cigarette in one hand, a glass of champagne in the other, and she was saved from the offending liquid in the pool by her platform, crystal stilettos.
My friend was rolling around jubilantly. People started to form an orderly queue so they could all have the experience of pissing on him. Reassuringly, nobody was taking it too seriously at this point, and it was in the British vernacular, a bit of a piss-take. Axel gleefully joined the line, ignoring my feeble attempts to forbid him from taking part. I had the last laugh, because when it came to his turn, he was so high that he couldn't pee. And then the worst thing that could have happened, happened. My friend in the pool flailed his arms a little too passionately, and splattered me with several people's wee. I ran out of the room screaming "Get it off me! Get it off me!"
Oh, how things have changed... more later.

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You kiss your mother with that mouth?