This post is for Adam and Artemis.
I told my two dearest friends about this blog. They do not move in the kinky circles that I do, and so are somewhat outside the zone of trauma. They are also a little outside because I have not been telling them everything and keeping myself to myself. Partly this is due to the fact that I did not want to worry them, and partly because I knew what they would say. Lastly, it's because I am sometimes a less than perfect friend.
They are the best friends that I have ever had, and no matter how much I fuck up, or hide away, they are always there for me. I don't have an excuse for the worry I am causing, nor for not always being there for them as much as I should. When I am deeply unhappy, I often stick my head in the sand like an ostrich girl, and pretent that reality does not exist. I can only say that I am very sorry.
So, they read my blog, and are understandably concerned for my well-being. I know that I should not let a man treat me like this, and I know that this is not the way to help myself. I know I am not yet able to just tear myself away from Alistair, and yet I know what I would be telling a friend who was in the same position as me. I feel like I must be one of those women who allows herself to abused, and not in that hot good way that I like so much.
And I know that if Adam reads this, he might be a tad cross and frustrated, and want to tell me to stop writing about it, and just do something.
All this is really just to say that I am sorry for the upset and stress, and I love you guys.