Hello filthmongers, trauma-monkeys, you who secretly fantasise about me shoving something up your butt, and those who fantasise about wining, dining and making love to me all night long (for you are my favourites...)
This post is a tad off topic, and does not relate to perversity, romance, or emotional splurging. Due to this fact, if you hold out to the very end, I have included an old photograph of my breasts. Don't you even think about scrolling down until you have digested every word, motherfucker.
I have been pretty quiet of late because I have been drawing and painting. My friend runs a fetish club, and I am producing some artwork for her flyers. I guess this is my first ever commission. At the moment I am working on a piece for the vampire themed night, and think it is going rather well.
When I was young, I always thought that I would be an artist, but I never fitted the necessary mould when it came to studying it. I quit art A level because on the first day, my teacher told me that I draw "photographically" and that that would not get me very far on the course. The thing is, I am much more of an illustrator than anything else. I just don't do abstract. Well, I guess I could, but it just isn't me.
Anyway, I have decided that I am going to, well, be an artist. Whatever that means. I am scared, but I know it is something I have to do. I thought I was always meant to be a teacher, and then I trained, and realised that it is not for me (nothing to do with the kids, or teaching in itself, but that is another post). One of the reasons I have been so depressed of late is because I thought I would teach, and when it became apparent I would not, I felt like I had lost my direction, and part of my identity.
I had forgotten that before all of that, since I was a very little girl, people have said "That girl's an artist." And I knew I was, I just forgot it. I got older, and lost faith in my ability. I have recently gained a little more confidence again... But it is a frightening thing. I am not quite sure how to go about this, and I know that I'll probably never be a roaring success... All I know is that I have felt more comfortable and "right" than I have in months.
If anyone has any advice, now would be the moment to chuck it my way.
Thank you for your time and patience in reading this tame, clean post. And now as promised...
Yes, that really is me. Didn't think I was serious, did you?
Though you can't quite see, I was blonde back then. We all make mistakes.