Friday, 18 September 2009

Pet Names

Pet names: Are they important to you? Do you invariably use them in your relationships? Do you hate them? Do they make you warm and fuzzy on the inside, or sick up your last meal?

The other day, I was chatting to Alistair on messenger. I told him that I loved him, and he responded by saying "I love you too, Poodle". He then went on to say "I've decided you're a bit of a great dane/poodle cross (with your pigtails in...)" We have already discussed the great-dane puppy thing. Because of my long limbs, and lack of coordination, I am apparently reminiscent of a puppy of this type.

However, upon the inspection of the above photograph, I think he may be onto something with the whole poodle thing. Long legs, teeny little ankles, huge ears/pig-tails, "alternative" dress sense. It's pretty much me.

So I want to know your opinions on pet names. I want to know what pet names you have for people, and what people have named you?

I must confess, I am a big fan, and was secretly all joybells when Alistair said that I was a poodle. In a way, I think pet names are a cementing force in a relationship. They are something that the two of you share, and you have to be comfortable with each other to use them. There have been moments when I have wondered whether the fact that Alistair didn't have a name for me was a bad sign... When we first started seeing each other, he used to call me "Kitten". A lot of people think I am rather cat-like when they meet me. Then they get to know me. "Kitten" died out rather quickly. It was replaced by "Puppy", this is how people see when they know me better... enthusiatic, eager to please, sometimes makes a fool of self... But "Puppy" more or less died out too. Though I am sure it will rear its head a few times more during certain kinky moments.

I have a semi pet name for Alistair that I sometimes use, which is "Posh Boy". It's not really a pet name, I suppose, but it amuses me. It's a name that needs no explanation. I also have two other names which I only store in my head. One to amuse me in more tense moments, and the other is a sweet one, but I fear that he would swot at me if I ever used it. He swots at my head in the morning everytime I tell him he is adorable as he peeps his sleepy little head over the covers. I shan't tell you the names.

However, my last partner, Axel and I (yes *the* relationship), were rife with little names. Mainly directed at me. I used to call him Pumpikin. My main name was Noodle. Also Super Noodle (it was one of those bizarre relationship idiosyncracies, we used to prefix everything with "super"). I was called Betty Boodle, which was a combination of Bettie Page, (who I reminded him of), Bettie Boop (who I reminded him of), and Noodle (who I was). Then we had Buttress (because of my much-celebrated rear), which became Buttress of Windsor on special occasions. I was sometimes Noodle Widebottom (1980 Noodle Widebottom, in full). Don't look so horrified. I love my backside, and he did too. But anyway, somehow we decided that he had bought me at a shop... not really sure if I was some bizarre automaton, or vehicle, but I was a 1980 model (reflecting the year of my birth). The 1980 Noodle Widebottom had an inbuilt "Klutzomatic Feature", which certainly explains my lack of coordination. It is also indicative of one of the character traits that all my menfolk seem to pick up on.

Well, I am not sure how one reacts to all that. I should say that Axel was far more "normal" than I, but I guess he used to get sucked up in the surreal Maisie Experience, and liked it. One thing that you could certainly say of us, we never forgot how to just be kids together, and we were never afraid of making fools of ourselves to make the other one laugh.

Before Axel, I was with Spike. We had one name each, and stuck to it. In fact, we still use them, even after all these years. He was Moo Moo, and I was Schmoo.

So, now I have opened a window onto a very private affair, it's your turn to spill. What are your names?


  1. Lil cat.

    Ive got landed with that one so often and by so many different people - none of whom have known that handle before - its kinda odd.

    Suppose I am kinda catlike; small, light on my feet, big eyes. But funnily enough I never get called 'kitten'. Make of that what you will.

    To a lesser degree there has been: Disel, Ditta, Judearooney, Pook, spud, pudzer and oh many more equally daft 'uns.

    I LIKE pet names and tend to sprinkle them liberally throughout my life. I know it irritates the shite out of a lot of people, but thats part of the fun. ;)

  2. My wife and I avoid pet names for the most part. I will occasionally throw them in for irony but that is about it. She is very analytical so I don't think it occurs to her to give me one.

  3. i love that you love pet names! i adore them myself and my husband and i have created almost our own vocabulary. most frequently used is babysnakes, which is interchangeable for either of us.

  4. When I'm on a dating binge, I tend to call every boy by the same pet name. It's just easier.

    Sometimes it's hard to keep them straight, so when they call, get huffy and ask "Did you think I was someone else!!??" I just say "Oh, Sparky, I knew it was you..."

  5. @Sal: Hey, share the wealth. I've never been on a dating binge... I should try it some time, only I keep making the mistake of putting all my eggs into one basket. At what point in the process do you start calling them Sparky... I mean, the first date would be too soon...

  6. Usually after three-ish dates. That way, if I'm dating a slew of cute boys, when they call I just say "Hey there, Sparky" all cute-like.
    Makes 'em feel special.

    I haven't had time for dates, lately, though. And I really don't miss it :)

  7. Pet names? You fucking betcha. We swore early on in the relationship that we wouldn't succumb to the temptation of using pet names, but now we both look at each other strangely if we use each other's real names. My favourite of the ones he uses for me? Honey Bee (a nice little play on my real name). And now I'm going to be sick, because it's all so embarrassingly saccharine. Love you, Poodle.

  8. We do have pet names for each other but, for the life of me, I can't think of one right now. Is that bad? I do usually just call my wife 'lovely.' Not very original is it?

  9. I love pet names, but I get all the terrible ones. Like 'slakkie' which roughly translated means small snail in English. Sexy, I know.

    And by the way: poodles are AWESOME!

  10. @Honey Bee: That is adorable... I love you too!

    @Tennyson: Shame on you. i want a full list of names!

    @ladytruth: Slakkie... cool. I am going to remember that one.

  11. The ones I can remember for now:

    Lovely chops
    Chunks of my love
    Sweetie pops
    Coconut sweetie

    and I think I've just thrown up in my mouth a little.

  12. @Tennyson: Awww you made my lovely chops blush with your list. xx

  13. Like them but have never been close enough with someone to come up with one...Closest I've come is "bitch." unfortunately. :(

    Maybe next time around.


You kiss your mother with that mouth?