The Alistair Update

We spoke.

He had a tantrum from down the other end of the phone. I smile now, because sometimes I even find his tantrums endearing. This wasn't one of those times.

My boyfriend is a foot-stomper, literally. (I secretly find it sweet when he does that, which might be one of the keys to our longevity).

He almost always knows what is occuring inside my head. I am as transparent as a pane of glass to him. But I am a creature of extremes, and so it is either that way, or we are speaking foreign languages to each other.

The update from yesterday's post...

He was cross because he believed he was doing the right thing by texting me to ask me. He was filled with rage and frustration because he has never asked for permission from anyone to do anything in his life. (Please don't hold that against him, he is an only child). In his mind, he did something of huge significance.

When I enquired as to what he would have done had I never got the message, this angered him, as he saw it as another example of my mistrust. I was angered because his response to my question was that he might have done as he wished anyway.

After much quarrelling, he admitted that it was a very stupid thing to say, and was probably born out of his anger that I do not trust him. He says that this is the thing he finds most difficult in our relationship.

And I have to admit, he is right. I still find it incredibly hard to trust him. He has lied to me so much in the past. The worst example I have not even documented here because it is too upsetting.

And yet, he has been behaving very well over the past 5 months. He has tried to play by my rules, as he puts it.

Are my rules too severe? I suppose you will have to decide. I have tried to create a compromise whereby a mostly monogamous person can succeed with a polyamorous person. I would just like to be informed about playdates, and told whom they are with. I would at least like to have met the person, and to like them myself.

Alistair is not quite there yet. He is being extremely honest and open. Usually the asking element is missing (not always). But often, I am more told about exploits, or informed they are happening, "ask" doesn't come into it.

And yet he is much better, I cannot deny.

Back to the topic. Alistair felt that I had no right to question what he would have done if I had not been around to give him permission to play in that way with our friend. He says it there is no sense in dealing in maybes and what ifs. He also banged on about me being a philosopher and speaking in abstracts all the time.

But I am a fucking philosopher.

Love me, love my philosophy (even if you don't always agree with it).

But he also said that he loves me to distraction, which is why he was so upset. And more than anything else he said, this made an impact on me. Alistair refuses to say he is in love with me. He tells me he loves me all the time, but that it's all a continuum. He loves me like he loves all his friends and lovers, he just loves me more.

And I think that is bull. Of course he knows what being in love is. The human brain is built with the ability to fall in love. It's all chemical reactions (wonderful ones) and we all know. I put it to him that if love is all the same, "Duhs he love me laahk his mama?"

Still he refuses, after two years to say he is in love with me.

But yesterday he did say he loves me to distraction. And despite the fact we had spent most of the time arguing, my heart melted.