Ownership

I have been specifically asked to research ownership and symbolism, and yet I have read nothing so far that catches my attention. Nevertheless, I suppose I can add to it all with some brief writing of my own.

It's an uneasy thing for me to admit to myself that I want to be owned. I am strongwilled, assertive and a woman who believes that she knows herself very well. And I suppose that is why I am forcing myself to be truthful. I shall not even attempt to articulate the feelings that all this produces in me, and I wouldn't do a very good job if I tried. What I do know is this: that I want to willingly give my mind and my body into the hands of somebody else. I know that the extent of the control is not something to be viewed lightly, nor is the extent of the inequality that I seem about to plunge myself into. But I want it so. And if at times a lot is being asked of me, I also understand that for the person taking control, a lot of thought, time, and attention will be put into our "non-partnership". I know that owning another can be hard work. Sometimes I know that I can be difficult, but this is always due to the inner conflict my submissive part has with the rest of me, and sometimes it is due to the (what somebody once called "Western values") that are ingrained in me. These are things that I must overcome in order to fulfill my role, and that can only be done with trust, which is at the very core of any such relationship, along with honesty.

I feel that any symbol that cements a D/s relationship should be a deeply personal thing. The collar is not a uniform! I do not relish the idea of a tattoo or branding, largely because I am a coward, and I rather like my smooth, white, virginal skin...I won't begin to try to comment on what such permanent marks mean to people, because I have never been in their circumstances. At this moment in time, what would mean the most to me would be something subtle and elegant that I could wear all of the time. Despite all of this, there is always the wonderful sensation of someone placing a collar around your neck as you kneel. I have a very small neck, and large collars give me a headache, so I think that something dainty, light, and of course extremely pretty would be the thing for me...

I think tonight I am one of my moods where the words on these matters do not come easily.